Sporting

Instead, I let my (hormone soaked) mind run free: I imagined myself schussing down powdered slopes like a winter Olympian, then basking by the fire at the lodge, graciously accepting compliments from all who had marveled at my exploits—starting with the green-eyed blond. The thought of two glorious nights together overshadowed a stark fact: I’d never been skiing before.

Still, it was too late to back out. Ski trips, I now know, aren’t as simple as they seem when one is in the throes of a new infatuation. First, one needs a skiing outfit. I didn’t have one, but my brother did, and he let me borrow his togs. That covered, I went to a sports shop to rent skis. I chose a long pair that fit my 6 foot, 4 inch frame, not realizing that longer skis mean greater speed but less control. Not a wise decision given my zero skill level.

When we pulled up to the lodge, I noticed that the slopes were crowded. This was a good thing, I surmised, because it meant that I would attract little attention. Wrong. When I opened my brother’s bag of gear, I saw that his ski pants were bright orange. I would be seen. Worse, because my brother is much shorter than I, his orange ski pants looked like ski knickers on me. The ski jacket fit better, but was a strange shade of purple, which together with the pants gave me the appearance of a tall, orange-grape Popsicle!

Oh, well: It was on to the slopes and my first descent with my new love interest. We had only gone five feet when I took my first spill. I laughed off the fall, knowing that it was going to happen. What I didn’t know was how to get up off the slope with skis on my feet. My partner patiently lay down beside me, put her feet parallel to the bottom of the slope, implanted her ski poles beside her, then pushed herself upwards and was instantly on her feet. She encouraged me to follow her example. There must be a law of physics that enables a 110-pound woman to pop up like a piece of toast, but prevents a 190-pound man to rise with the same ease. I did manage, with considerable effort, to stand and then ski another four feet before I went down again and repeated the same grueling exercise.